Growing up, I thought that by the time I graduated college, I'd have my life figured out. I'd graduate with a degree in something that I was passionate about, and I'd step off of that college campus ready to take the world by storm. Little did I know that while I was optimistically planning my future, reality had built a glass wall in front of me, separating me from the ambitions I had so zealously made for myself. I ran at a full sprint through college, and reached graduation, diving headlong out of college, careening toward the world, only to slam against the blockade I couldn't see coming. Now, here I am. I have one more semester left of college, and I feel like a bee trapped inside a window, throwing myself at it again and again, hoping by some miracle I find a place where the invisible wall will give way to my freedom.
Terrified doesn't even begin to describe my feeling. I am out of my depth, trying to figure life out on my own. There are too many possibilities, and I find myself drowning in them rather than swimming through. I have this sudden inability to make decisions, because one bad decision could ruin my whole life. Do I take a year off before I go to grad school? Which grad school do I go to? Can I afford to live on my own? Do I put my pride aside and move back in with my parents until I am on my feet? Do I have the courage to drop everything for a year and move to another country? With so many questions floating through my head at every moment, it is impossible for me to sort them out and keep my sanity simultaneously.
So what's a twenty something to do? In this last 6 months of the limbo between adolescence and adulthood, I am forced to confront my fear of responsibility, to learn to trust my instincts, and to realize that the only person who can control my future is myself. Welcome to my journey. It's sure to be a bumpy one. Buckle up, I know I am.
